The Ride of First's

We had some first's with little one last week. It was exactly what I had expected yet at the same time aspects of it were nothing that I expected at all. 

The best way I can describe it is a roller coaster ride.

The anticipated climb up and up and up where it seems like your stomach is in your throat, to the moment of the free-fall feeling like you are falling and there is no end in sight; going around a sharp turn as you are being slammed from one side of the ride to the other all the while holding on for dear life, knuckles white, because you think you might fly out.

Then there is the end of the roller coaster ride where it's over and you are relieved while at the same time anticipating and often longing to doing it again.

This was me on "THE RIDE of First's" with foster care......

The climb up was brutal-my stomach was so far up my throat I couldn't even swallow. Then there came the fall-on one hand the climb part was over but on the other hand the fall was hard and it was long. The feeling of being slammed from one side of the ride to the other happened several times but thankfully the sting was only for a moment. On multiple instances my knuckles turned white from the death grip of the chair I was clinging too, all the while having to come out of that chair over and over and over.

The ride was was fearfully anticipated yet positively intense-- filled with raw and real all over the place emotions that I was incredibly, SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL I was able to be a part of. 

When I started on the ride I was scared of the unknown and of the ride itself-the exposures and experiences of the foster care roller coaster are intimidating and scary. By the end of this particular ride I got off and felt like, "Ok, that wasn't so bad--I can do this and I can do it again and again and again for however long the Lord sees fit!"

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I DON'T DO REAL LIFE THEME PARK ROLLER COASTERS. 

EVER.

I'm terrified. They go too fast. They go too high. I'm out of my own control. Feet are sometimes dangling. There is screaming involved. And that free-fall feeling--nope. Not happening. 

And yet daily I find myself being on that EXACT roller coaster ride in being a bio/foster parent-I find myself wanting to keep riding and not get off. 

Yes-it can be terrifying. 
Yes-things can happen FAST. 
Yes-often times the highs are high and the lows are low. 
Yes-things are always our of our control BUT Christ in His sovereignty is always in control. 
Yes-not so much screaming happens so to speak but crying huge tears into your pillow happens often.
Yes-that free fall feeling, you think it won't happen, but it does. 

Before our "first" a few weeks ago, I had no idea what to expect. The feeling of being overwhelmed was a mass understatement. Christ in his divine faithfulness and direction used a friend to point me to Himself and conviction set it for me to pray in these specific ways. I have found myself constantly going back to this and using it as a tool for how to pray while on the roller coaster ride of being a bio mom and a foster mom. 

1. Ask Christ For Gracious Words-"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body."  - Proverbs 16:24

-In whatever experience we have and whomever I come across in my day to day life as a bio/foster mom, I desire for my words to always be gracious and to be from Christ. 

2. Continually Commit Your Children And Their Situation To The Lord-"Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established."  - Proverbs 16:3

-CONTINUALLY lay my children at the Lord's feet. Whether they share my last name or not, however long they are in our home they are our children. They are a part of our family, and it is my responsibility and my privilege to pray over them and surrender them and their situation to Christ on a daily basis. 

3. Pray For The Desire To Have Compassion -"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:16

-Many times, the situations that lend themselves for children to be in foster care we do not understand and we have little to no grace. In reality we fail to see the greater need for many of these families/individuals involved-we fail to have compassion for them: the bio parents and/or extended family, the social workers and supervisors, the guardian ad litem or the judge. THEY ALL NEED CHRIST. 

They Need a Savior. They Need Forgiveness. And as scary as it may be, we may be the very tool Jesus uses to bring them to the end of themselves, call them to repentance, and transform their life.

4. Trust the Lord's Goodness-“The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7

-The Lord is good-"The best." He is a stronghold-"A place/Our Savior that has been fortified so as to protect it/us against attack." He is our protector and our defender no matter what circumstance, no matter what scenario. He is seeking our best interest while at the same time protecting us against the evil one. 

5. When Discouraged Dig Deeper-"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." - 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

-So many times when challenges arise, I find myself immediately wanting to talk to JAM about it or rush to text a friend and neglect to FIRST go to God's Word and Christ Himself. Not that JAM can't have Godly insight or a friend can't pour out her wisdom, but many times, I don't dig-I don't submerge myself into scripture nor bathe myself in prayer like I should. I NEED JESUS every minute of every day and I need to take hold of him FIRST when a challenge arises and go to others second.

6. When It Gets Hard Or Scary And You Want To Run...DON'T!-"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." - 1 Corinthians 15:58

-Whatever Jesus has called you to do-whether it's teaching school, being a stay at home mom, a full-time student, a banker, a nurse, an electrician, or a foster family, we are to live on mission for him. We are to live to know Christ and to make Him known. Living for Christ can be scary and there are times where we want to just run and hide, and it's in those times when we need to cling to the one who is immovable and steadfast. "He is our refuge and strength, our help in a time of need..." Psalm 46:1

I have many more "first's" to experience while being a bio/foster mom and even more roller coasters to ride, but praising the Lord today for overcoming this particular first and thanking Him for the first's that are to come.

"Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You, & through it all, IT IS WELL."