A Heartbreaking No

Last Friday was a day I will never forget.

Mrs. C called. I wasn't around my phone.

She sent me a text, then called again a few minutes later.

Finally, I was able to call her back and she spoke THOSE words...

"Mrs. May-we have a placement for you...."

And in that moment my heart nearly exploded out of my chest. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. My mind was going 100 miles an hour.

She shared with me some details and then asked me if I wanted to talk it over with JAM and call her back. I went and found JAM and told him Mrs. C called. I could hardly get the details out of my mouth. I told him everything I knew and we called her back with a "Yes, we will run home and grab the infant carrier and meet you at your office...."

We sat in the car and just stared at each other. This was it, what we've been waiting for since January 31st. We were going to get to love on and be a foster family to a child.

We were elated.

We got home and my phone rang again, but this time it was not Mrs. C, but the child's social worker. She shared with me some more details of the situation that we a lot more extenuating then JAM and I initially understood. These details were going to be the determining factor as to whether or not we were going to have the child be placed in our home.

Again, JAM and I had to talk. We prayed, we cried, we were burdened, and we came in agreement that we were going to have to say no to this particular placement for our family.

"No...we are not going to be able to accept this particular placement at this time. I'm honored that you called and considered our family. Thank you so much and we are praying we hear again from you soon..."-it was the most heartbreaking no I have ever uttered.

The words were piercing. They were so heavy rolling off my lips when I had to call the child's social worker and tell her. I felt guilty and I was so ashamed of having to say no to the very thing we have been longing and praying for now going on 86 days.

I also immediately found myself worrying about the circumstances and worrying, "If not us, where? Who? How will it work out?"

 I cried and cried that day. It was a long Friday.

Over that weekend I was angry, incredibly sad, and I all kept begging the Lord for was peace. While reading my bible the very next day, this literally jumped off of the page:

We serve a God of peace-in the midst of circumstances that we don't understand He gives us peace. Our God is faithful, Our God is near, Our God is steady. I've clung to this verse this last week, holding on to it ever so tightly.

Not only have I been able to rest in the Father's peace but I have also had to rest in the fact that it was ok to say no. As hard it was, due to the nature of the circumstances, we were not going to be the best placement for the child and I had to be ok that.

I was able to call Mrs. C this past week and she was so encouraging. She made me feel so much better about saying no. She put me as ease walking me through the situation and being such a good listener. Once again, I hung up the phone being so thankful for her.

Daily the child and the situation come to my mind and daily I'm praying. I may not ever get to meet this particular child, but incredibly grateful that Mrs. C thought to call our family.

Connections

Tuesday, April 9

11:47 a.m.

Called my friend J. She is one of those friends that is a constant in my life. Constantly pointing me to Jesus. Constantly encouraging me. Constantly making me laugh. Constantly real and constantly honest. Constantly on wife/ mom duty to 6 precious babes. Constantly an example. Yep, she's that kind of friend. I hope and pray you have one like her.

I called her this particular morning to chat/vent/cry/ but more importantly, to get her advice. I needed her advice about making connections. Because she and her husband have worked in the foster care system for over 7 years, she has lots of experience AND lots of connections. She gave me several names and emails of people that she felt would be a great connection for me to have and my connection hunt began.

(Side Note: I'm DAILY learning a lot.  Here lately, I've learned that connections are important in the DHS and fostering world. Social workers and supervisors work hand in hand all throughout our state to find the best and most suitable placements for the children in need. Just because we are licensed for our county doesn't mean we could not get a call from another neighboring county.)

12:30 p.m.

Email sent to Mrs. W-a social worker that J has worked with for years now. I was brief and to the point, attached our home study information, and emphasized that we are ready, willing, and waiting to be a utilized foster family.

And just like that, a connection was made.

28 minutes later my phone rang.

12:58 p.m.

Mrs. W calls me to say that she received my email and she was thrilled that J had passed on her information to us. We chatted for a few minutes and she told me that she had passed on our information to her supervisor, Mrs. P.

1:42 p.m.

Mrs. P, the supervisor emails me to connect and say that she wanted me to come in for a meeting as soon as I could.

So of course, those of you that know me-the meeting was set up for the next day at 10:30 a.m. ;)

Wednesday, April 10

10:30 a.m.

Met with social worker Mrs. W-she was sweet, all smiles, and the conversation flowed easily. She walked me around the office and I was able to shake several other social workers hands and make more connections. I was SO excited. I know this may seem small, but you never know how a connection can be utilized in the future.

Mrs. W took me to her office, we exchanged more detailed information, and she got to hear my heart. I wasn't there long, but I was extremely thankful.

I know some of you might be thinking, "why are you documenting this?...that's not even that big of a deal...."

But it's something. To me it was meaningful. For now it's small. For now it's simple. BUT it's a connection....a connection that could possibly change our family for forever one day.

Today-It's been 86 days of waiting-sometimes patiently, sometimes not. I'm striving to praise the Lord with every day that passes. I'm praising the Lord for the love that I have that grows by the second for children I have never met. I'm praying to meet those children soon.

Praise the Lord for connections with Mrs. W & Mrs. P.