The Ride of First's

We had some first's with little one last week. It was exactly what I had expected yet at the same time aspects of it were nothing that I expected at all. 

The best way I can describe it is a roller coaster ride.

The anticipated climb up and up and up where it seems like your stomach is in your throat, to the moment of the free-fall feeling like you are falling and there is no end in sight; going around a sharp turn as you are being slammed from one side of the ride to the other all the while holding on for dear life, knuckles white, because you think you might fly out.

Then there is the end of the roller coaster ride where it's over and you are relieved while at the same time anticipating and often longing to doing it again.

This was me on "THE RIDE of First's" with foster care......

The climb up was brutal-my stomach was so far up my throat I couldn't even swallow. Then there came the fall-on one hand the climb part was over but on the other hand the fall was hard and it was long. The feeling of being slammed from one side of the ride to the other happened several times but thankfully the sting was only for a moment. On multiple instances my knuckles turned white from the death grip of the chair I was clinging too, all the while having to come out of that chair over and over and over.

The ride was was fearfully anticipated yet positively intense-- filled with raw and real all over the place emotions that I was incredibly, SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL I was able to be a part of. 

When I started on the ride I was scared of the unknown and of the ride itself-the exposures and experiences of the foster care roller coaster are intimidating and scary. By the end of this particular ride I got off and felt like, "Ok, that wasn't so bad--I can do this and I can do it again and again and again for however long the Lord sees fit!"

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I DON'T DO REAL LIFE THEME PARK ROLLER COASTERS. 

EVER.

I'm terrified. They go too fast. They go too high. I'm out of my own control. Feet are sometimes dangling. There is screaming involved. And that free-fall feeling--nope. Not happening. 

And yet daily I find myself being on that EXACT roller coaster ride in being a bio/foster parent-I find myself wanting to keep riding and not get off. 

Yes-it can be terrifying. 
Yes-things can happen FAST. 
Yes-often times the highs are high and the lows are low. 
Yes-things are always our of our control BUT Christ in His sovereignty is always in control. 
Yes-not so much screaming happens so to speak but crying huge tears into your pillow happens often.
Yes-that free fall feeling, you think it won't happen, but it does. 

Before our "first" a few weeks ago, I had no idea what to expect. The feeling of being overwhelmed was a mass understatement. Christ in his divine faithfulness and direction used a friend to point me to Himself and conviction set it for me to pray in these specific ways. I have found myself constantly going back to this and using it as a tool for how to pray while on the roller coaster ride of being a bio mom and a foster mom. 

1. Ask Christ For Gracious Words-"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body."  - Proverbs 16:24

-In whatever experience we have and whomever I come across in my day to day life as a bio/foster mom, I desire for my words to always be gracious and to be from Christ. 

2. Continually Commit Your Children And Their Situation To The Lord-"Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established."  - Proverbs 16:3

-CONTINUALLY lay my children at the Lord's feet. Whether they share my last name or not, however long they are in our home they are our children. They are a part of our family, and it is my responsibility and my privilege to pray over them and surrender them and their situation to Christ on a daily basis. 

3. Pray For The Desire To Have Compassion -"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:16

-Many times, the situations that lend themselves for children to be in foster care we do not understand and we have little to no grace. In reality we fail to see the greater need for many of these families/individuals involved-we fail to have compassion for them: the bio parents and/or extended family, the social workers and supervisors, the guardian ad litem or the judge. THEY ALL NEED CHRIST. 

They Need a Savior. They Need Forgiveness. And as scary as it may be, we may be the very tool Jesus uses to bring them to the end of themselves, call them to repentance, and transform their life.

4. Trust the Lord's Goodness-“The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7

-The Lord is good-"The best." He is a stronghold-"A place/Our Savior that has been fortified so as to protect it/us against attack." He is our protector and our defender no matter what circumstance, no matter what scenario. He is seeking our best interest while at the same time protecting us against the evil one. 

5. When Discouraged Dig Deeper-"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." - 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

-So many times when challenges arise, I find myself immediately wanting to talk to JAM about it or rush to text a friend and neglect to FIRST go to God's Word and Christ Himself. Not that JAM can't have Godly insight or a friend can't pour out her wisdom, but many times, I don't dig-I don't submerge myself into scripture nor bathe myself in prayer like I should. I NEED JESUS every minute of every day and I need to take hold of him FIRST when a challenge arises and go to others second.

6. When It Gets Hard Or Scary And You Want To Run...DON'T!-"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." - 1 Corinthians 15:58

-Whatever Jesus has called you to do-whether it's teaching school, being a stay at home mom, a full-time student, a banker, a nurse, an electrician, or a foster family, we are to live on mission for him. We are to live to know Christ and to make Him known. Living for Christ can be scary and there are times where we want to just run and hide, and it's in those times when we need to cling to the one who is immovable and steadfast. "He is our refuge and strength, our help in a time of need..." Psalm 46:1

I have many more "first's" to experience while being a bio/foster mom and even more roller coasters to ride, but praising the Lord today for overcoming this particular first and thanking Him for the first's that are to come.

"Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You, & through it all, IT IS WELL."

My ducks aren't in a row and the Number 5

The first part of this post was written about a month or so ago but is just now being posted along with the fostering journey update. Sooo--- read all the way to the end for it to all come together and make sense.  Happy Wednesday! :)

My personality is type A.

I like everything to be organized and in its place. I thrive off of a schedule and constantly want to know exactly what is going to unfold every step of the way. I don't necessarily strive for perfection so much as I strive for stability and control. I struggle with unpredictability and the unknown.

At the end of the day, I like all of my ducks in a row--A neat, straight, predictable, organized row.

And over the last several weeks it's been anything but that. My ducks have not been in a row.

-------------------------------------------------------

"and He will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is Zion's treasure." Isaiah 33:6

The last several weeks (for me personally) have been extremely trying in the journey of fostering. Once again that four letter word came up that I have this love/hate relationship with.

WAIT.

"Make me to know your ways Oh Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long." Psalm 26:5-6

I have had to wait. Wait for my phone ring, wait for questions to be answered, wait for emails to be responded to, wait to see how the scenario unfolds. It's been a long several weeks of waiting.

 I have not waited well.

 I have failed miserably.

Over the span of my teenage and adult life, and especially over the last few years as a mom, I have spent much of my time trying to control situations that are completely out of my control. I have missed opportunities & situations & people & ministry that the Lord has had right in front of my face.


It was not until early in morning this past week around at 5:45 a.m. that I was upstairs feeding a bottle to a little one who the Lord had right in front of my face-I was physically holding him, I was sobbing, & I was broken.

The Lord completely opened my eyes to the fact that I have failed in my waiting- I have not been waiting contently with JOY while LIVING IN THE PRESENT. I have been so fixated on controlling possible placements, social workers, paper work, phone calls, etc. that I have been missing what the Lord has daily laid out before me--what the Lord has placed right in front of me.

Before me today in this very moment is:

-My relationship with Christ--Something that is supreme & should always be above all else. At the end of every day nothing else matters but for me to know Christ more and to make Him known.

-My husband who loves me selflessly and unconditionally-even in my crazy he loves me and for that can I get an AMEN >insert christian emoji praise Jesus hands :)

-My two boys who need me in the present right here and right now as their mom. To be their mom is truly and honor and a privilege every.single.day.

-Our faith family and other ministry opportunities: I can't begin to explain what a true joy it is to be in ministry. I can't imagine not being a minister's wife. Serving alongside my spouse is incredible!

-Friends who are more like family: When I start thinking about the deep rooted friendships that the Lord has right before me on a daily basis it is overwhelming. To have friends that love me in spite of my imperfections is humbling.

Even though we no have idea about what placements the Lord has for our future, it's my job to be in the here and the now contently waiting with joy. Not trying to control every single little tiny thing but to "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

When my ducks aren't in a row,
I'm learning it's ok.

So after my 5:45am meltdown I chose the rest of the day to not dwell on what I couldn't control but to

enjoy what was right before me.

A sweet little one got to stay with us this weekend and it was amazing. The social worker brought him over Thursday evening around dinner time. She rang the doorbell and introduced herself then had me follow her out to the car to meet little one. I opened that van door and was greeted by the sweetest, timid little face. He had curls that made me melt and deep dimples that stretched from one side of his face to the other.

It was a sweet and special two days with little one. Two days that will forever be etched into my mind.

Praise the Lord when my ducks are not in a neat, straight, predictable, organized row my Savior is constantly faithful and is always steady!

-------------------And literally within hours of writing the above post, everything changed.---------------

After multiple months of waiting, praying, longing, and desiring what the Lord had placed on our hearts almost exactly a year ago.....

The call came, the yes was said, & we became a family of 5. 

We have been blessed with the opportunity to stroll another stroller during family outings, to add second highchair during dinner time, to buckle another car seat into the mini-van.

The situation was all Jesus.

The timing was all Jesus. 

The working of every detail was all Jesus.

Little one has been such a blessing since officially moving into our home. There has for sure been a period of adjustment for everyone yet it has been one of the most precious times within our family unit that I have ever experienced. 

The amount of diapers I am changing in a day is hilarious.

Getting little one and my youngest on the same schedule was a challenge but praise the Lord I think we have accomplished it. Get I get an AMEN!

Sometimes everyone is crying all at once and JAM and I just look at each other and laugh because, what else are we going to do!?!? :)

The amount of baby blocks and teething toys, trains, and tractors that are currently residing in my living room floor makes it seem like we are camping out in the local Babies/Toys R US

We have all settled into a groove and even though going from 2 to 3 has been a change, it's the change I've longed for, prayed for, and a change I'm incredibly thankful for. 

For all of those who have made this statement to me in the last few weeks, thank you for the reminder:

"You sure do have your hands full....."

and my response is (almost) always

"Thank you, FULL is exactly where we desire to be!"


Joyfully today in this present moment-
I am incredibly thankful for the Number 5.

A Heartbreaking No

Last Friday was a day I will never forget.

Mrs. C called. I wasn't around my phone.

She sent me a text, then called again a few minutes later.

Finally, I was able to call her back and she spoke THOSE words...

"Mrs. May-we have a placement for you...."

And in that moment my heart nearly exploded out of my chest. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. My mind was going 100 miles an hour.

She shared with me some details and then asked me if I wanted to talk it over with JAM and call her back. I went and found JAM and told him Mrs. C called. I could hardly get the details out of my mouth. I told him everything I knew and we called her back with a "Yes, we will run home and grab the infant carrier and meet you at your office...."

We sat in the car and just stared at each other. This was it, what we've been waiting for since January 31st. We were going to get to love on and be a foster family to a child.

We were elated.

We got home and my phone rang again, but this time it was not Mrs. C, but the child's social worker. She shared with me some more details of the situation that we a lot more extenuating then JAM and I initially understood. These details were going to be the determining factor as to whether or not we were going to have the child be placed in our home.

Again, JAM and I had to talk. We prayed, we cried, we were burdened, and we came in agreement that we were going to have to say no to this particular placement for our family.

"No...we are not going to be able to accept this particular placement at this time. I'm honored that you called and considered our family. Thank you so much and we are praying we hear again from you soon..."-it was the most heartbreaking no I have ever uttered.

The words were piercing. They were so heavy rolling off my lips when I had to call the child's social worker and tell her. I felt guilty and I was so ashamed of having to say no to the very thing we have been longing and praying for now going on 86 days.

I also immediately found myself worrying about the circumstances and worrying, "If not us, where? Who? How will it work out?"

 I cried and cried that day. It was a long Friday.

Over that weekend I was angry, incredibly sad, and I all kept begging the Lord for was peace. While reading my bible the very next day, this literally jumped off of the page:

We serve a God of peace-in the midst of circumstances that we don't understand He gives us peace. Our God is faithful, Our God is near, Our God is steady. I've clung to this verse this last week, holding on to it ever so tightly.

Not only have I been able to rest in the Father's peace but I have also had to rest in the fact that it was ok to say no. As hard it was, due to the nature of the circumstances, we were not going to be the best placement for the child and I had to be ok that.

I was able to call Mrs. C this past week and she was so encouraging. She made me feel so much better about saying no. She put me as ease walking me through the situation and being such a good listener. Once again, I hung up the phone being so thankful for her.

Daily the child and the situation come to my mind and daily I'm praying. I may not ever get to meet this particular child, but incredibly grateful that Mrs. C thought to call our family.

Connections

Tuesday, April 9

11:47 a.m.

Called my friend J. She is one of those friends that is a constant in my life. Constantly pointing me to Jesus. Constantly encouraging me. Constantly making me laugh. Constantly real and constantly honest. Constantly on wife/ mom duty to 6 precious babes. Constantly an example. Yep, she's that kind of friend. I hope and pray you have one like her.

I called her this particular morning to chat/vent/cry/ but more importantly, to get her advice. I needed her advice about making connections. Because she and her husband have worked in the foster care system for over 7 years, she has lots of experience AND lots of connections. She gave me several names and emails of people that she felt would be a great connection for me to have and my connection hunt began.

(Side Note: I'm DAILY learning a lot.  Here lately, I've learned that connections are important in the DHS and fostering world. Social workers and supervisors work hand in hand all throughout our state to find the best and most suitable placements for the children in need. Just because we are licensed for our county doesn't mean we could not get a call from another neighboring county.)

12:30 p.m.

Email sent to Mrs. W-a social worker that J has worked with for years now. I was brief and to the point, attached our home study information, and emphasized that we are ready, willing, and waiting to be a utilized foster family.

And just like that, a connection was made.

28 minutes later my phone rang.

12:58 p.m.

Mrs. W calls me to say that she received my email and she was thrilled that J had passed on her information to us. We chatted for a few minutes and she told me that she had passed on our information to her supervisor, Mrs. P.

1:42 p.m.

Mrs. P, the supervisor emails me to connect and say that she wanted me to come in for a meeting as soon as I could.

So of course, those of you that know me-the meeting was set up for the next day at 10:30 a.m. ;)

Wednesday, April 10

10:30 a.m.

Met with social worker Mrs. W-she was sweet, all smiles, and the conversation flowed easily. She walked me around the office and I was able to shake several other social workers hands and make more connections. I was SO excited. I know this may seem small, but you never know how a connection can be utilized in the future.

Mrs. W took me to her office, we exchanged more detailed information, and she got to hear my heart. I wasn't there long, but I was extremely thankful.

I know some of you might be thinking, "why are you documenting this?...that's not even that big of a deal...."

But it's something. To me it was meaningful. For now it's small. For now it's simple. BUT it's a connection....a connection that could possibly change our family for forever one day.

Today-It's been 86 days of waiting-sometimes patiently, sometimes not. I'm striving to praise the Lord with every day that passes. I'm praising the Lord for the love that I have that grows by the second for children I have never met. I'm praying to meet those children soon.

Praise the Lord for connections with Mrs. W & Mrs. P.

Decorating Tips & Tricks

My home is a constant work in progress. A friend said to me just last week, "A room is never totally finished" and I laughed. She is exactly right. I am constantly moving, painting, and rearranging. Sometimes when JAM gets home he will walk in and chuckle. He knows he can leave one morning and come home to things completely rearranged, yet he loves me anyway. 

I'm sure some of you can relate!

Ok-to start off I'll be really honest. My decorating used to STINK, LIKE REALLY STINK! When I first got married I had no idea what I was doing. Every room had a theme and every room was a different color. Why I thought that looked good I have NO IDEA. Several years after getting married I became good friends with one of JAM's friend's wives. I remember going to her house for the first time and being blown away at how put together was. Everything flowed from one area of the house to another.  Everything was cute, creative, and perfectly imperfect. As I got to know her more I realized that she was super thrifty and most of her decor throughout her home came from goodwill, garage sales, the side of the road, and Craigslist. To see more of her home, her "Saturday Steals," and read about her adorable family click here.

So over time I took almost everything I had and either gave it a facelift or got rid of it and started completely over. My goal with doing so was that by the time we moved into our new home, I would have a good base to work with and use that as a starting point for what I wanted my style to be from here on out. If I had to sum up my current style and what I want my future style to look like, it would be industrial farmhouse chic with pops of color and tons of frugal flare. When decorating and looking for goodwill, second hand, or Craigslist finds, I always try to consider my style, my current home, and exactly where I would want to try and use it. I am guilty of sometimes buying and not sure what I will do with it until I get home, but that's where the creative process becomes 

really fun and interesting.

Now, by no means do I really "know" what I'm doing when it comes to decorating. But I do know what I like and I know what I can spend. Much of the time what I like or the look that I like can costs tons of money which we do not have, thus my passion for decorating on a budget, decorating with lots of DIY projects, and decorating in a repurposed kind of way comes in to play.

Below are a few tips and tricks that I have learned over the years, mainly from friends, HGTV, and thrifty decorating blogs because again, I don't really know what I'm doing, I heavily rely on others!

Furniture:

--Family Heirloom--

I'm all about using family heirloom pieces. In fact, I would rather have a family piece then a brand new piece. I love the history and memories that come along with those types of furniture pieces. The  left piece is from both of my great grandmother's homes. It's actually 2 separate parts that I painted and put one of top of the other. I used Annie Sloan Chalk paint in the color Louis Blue and then buffed the light and dark Annie Sloan waxes on each piece. It is currently in my dining room in the perfect little corner spot. Don't be afraid to use paint. Whether you want to keep it in the neutral color family or venture out with boldness, paint can make all the difference. Both of these pieces were already painted a white with a vine detail, so clearly they both needed a facelift. 

--Facebook Resale--

The right brown piece is from a Facebook resale page. I HIGHLY suggest using a resale page from Facebook that is designated for people that live within your area. I feel like you can find great deals on bigger items such as furniture. Utilize Facebook for your budget decor needs. You will be surprised what types of good deals are floating around on social media. 

The brown chest of drawers set me back a whole $20. The bottom drawer was broken but I just "shopped" around my house for the baskets and thought that it gave it a cute, perfectly imperfect look. I still need to paint the inside bottom drawer space and have gone back and forth with painting the entire piece, but for now it currently looks like the photo below.

--Garage Sales--

You can find DEALS are garage sales. Most people are willing to sell for cheap cheap cheap just so they can get rid of it. NEGOTIATE for the best deal! You will be happy you did. 

The bottom left piece is actually a solid wood buffet that I purchased at a garage sale for $15. I gave it a good wipe down and it serves the perfect purpose of a changing table in Keller's room. Garage sales are not something that I shop at regularly but this spring and summer I really 

want to try and go to more. 

--Craigslist--

I have had really good luck on craigslist for my last few purchases. I don't buy a ton off the site, but when I'm looking for something specific it's a budget friendly option I like suggest trying.

The bottom right and the two other bottom photos are all things that I have purchased from Craigslist. Our master bedroom headboard and footboard I paid $30 for. They are originally from Broyhill Furniture and were a light wood color. I don't think you can see it but the right corner on the footboard has a little damage to it, but once I chalk painted it, you can hardly notice the issue. The bottom left picture is a twin size Jenny Lind bed that I paid $100 for. If you know anything about the brand Jenny Lind, they can be very expensive beds and within the last few years have become a popular name brand item.

 It's for sure one of my favorite craigslist finds of all time. It's currently painted black and resides in Layton's room. The lower right chest I bought right before we moved into our new home. It was $75 and is all real wood and was dark in color. I used Miss Mustard Seeds Milk Paint in the color Ironstone and it gave it a light white wash feel. The raspberry colored knobs are from Hobby Lobby and add a pop of color. It is presently in our living room and holds DVD's in the top drawers and all the other drawers contain the boy's toys. It serves as a great storage piece. 

Knick Knacks: 

I tend to have a harder time finding good knick knack items to decorate with. I usually look for these type of items at goodwill or at garage sales. It seems like I have better luck when I am wanting to do a project and go in looking for specific items that are already in my mind. This plate wall, for instance, was something that I knew I wanted to do when we moved, so every time I went into goodwill I knew I needed to browse the plate isle. Plates at the goodwill in our area run anywhere from $0.25 to $0.99, so overall it was going to be in inexpensive project. It took some time finding the plates and the decorative eye of a friend coming over and helping me hang them all, but I would say the entire project cost around $40. 

Below are a few of the staple items that I always get at goodwill 

when the condition and price is right:

--Globes--

I LOVE to decorate with globes. I don't know what it is, 

I just love the industrial feel along with the different sizes, shapes, 

and colors of globes you can find. They are interesting. They are unique. And I love them. 

--Old Books--

Books-old and new are a MUST in decorating. They add height, are a great space filler, 

and when decorating are just something you have to have.

--Black Picture Frames--

According to my friend Brittany and her sister Brooke every room must have black in it somewhere. Black is timeless, classic, and in picture frame form, the neutral color to go with. I always like to say the chunkier the better-so when I find a thick (preferably matted) black picture frame, I buy it.  

--Greenery--

My friends laugh because of my love for greenery, but in actuality I've made them just as obsessed. Greenery whether alive or fake is a necessity when decorating. It adds a freshness, a pop of texture, and bold color when mixed throughout your home. It's everywhere in my home and I always look for it when shopping. You usually can't find it in places like goodwill but sometimes you can, when you are lucky. My favorite places to find greenery are HomeGoods, Marshall's/T. J. Maxx, and Hobby Lobby. 

--Birds & or Owls--

The trend right now is birds and or owls. I have been able to find several lately at goodwill for $0.99. Whenever you spot a bird or owl, BUY IT. It adds personality to a space and can put that final touch on an area you are decorating. 

I snagged this adorable green owl for $0.99 a few months back and found him the perfect home 

(for now anyway) in our master bedroom!

--Coffee and Travel Mugs--

I have an obsession with cute coffee mugs, especially polka dotted mugs. I paid $0.75 for all three of these and use them all of the time. Coffee mugs are cute and can spruce up your coffee bar area for literally just some change. 

--Glassware--

I always browse the glassware section of goodwill. The goodwill in our area has most of their glassware for around $0.59-$1.00. I was in need of new glasses a few weeks ago and knew before I went exactly what I would look for--these adorable Mason Jar Glasses with the handle. There is just something simply southern about drinking out a Mason Jar. They ran me $0.59 each. I am on the hunt for more so that I can have a cabinet full. 

Another thing that is good to think about when scoping out glassware of any goodwill is the cute vases and glass jars you can find. They come in all sizes, shapes, and sometimes colors. I have a pantry shelf full of jars and vases and they come in the most handy when putting on a wedding shower or a baby shower.

 I hope these tips and tricks helped! Like I said before, these are not things that I came up with, but things that were suggested to me from my decorating friends. I continue to shop at goodwill almost every week so there will be plenty more goodwill gems I will eventually share!

Happy Decorating!

Almost

Wednesday (3.11.15) started off like most any day. The boys actually slept in a little due to the time change which was nice. We did our morning routine of breakfast, coffee, cleaning up from the night before, and then decided to make hospital visits as a family that day. There is something about doing ministry as a family that is special, something that I cherish, and something that I want our children to participate it for years and years to come.

On our drive home from the hospital JAM and I were talking about several different things, in particular about how fun it be for us the get the phone call for a child(s) that day. We find ourselves trying not to talk about it too much so that we are not dwelling on what could happen, but being thankful for the here and the now amongst our day to day life.

We get home, do lunch, get Keller down for a nap, and Layton down for his rest time. JAM went to clean the trucking company offices I was able to rest for a little while before starting a few chores of my own. I had been thinking about a friend whose family has been waiting to be licensed for a few weeks now and I thought I would text her to check in on the progress of everything.

We texted back and forth for a few minutes and in the midst of texting, it happened.

My phone started ringing. Ringing with a number I didn't recognize.

Upon answering I hear Mrs. C's sweet voice on the other end. "Good afternoon Mrs. M. I have something I wanted to talk to you about...."

Of course my mind starts going a million miles an hour.
Is this it? Is this the call I've been praying for, longing for, desiring day in and day out?
Then her boss started beeping in and she said she needed to call me right back.
"Sure, I'll be here, feel free to call me back whenever!"

Of course I was hoping she would call me back within the first five minutes, but five minutes turned into fifteen, fifteen turned into thirty, and thirty minutes turned into an hour.

After an hour of not hearing anything I was pretty sure whatever Mrs. C was calling about had probably gone a different direction. I reached out and texted Mrs. C just to let her know that if she needed to call me after office hours it was going to be no problem. She responded quickly to my text and told me that our family was originally being contacted about a possible placement, but it turned out that the other social worker had already worked out everything and they didn't need our home for a placement after all.

Almost. It almost happened.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad. I was, very sad. I had a good cry, and waited for JAM to get home so I could tell him the news.

As I was waiting for him to get home, Mrs. C responded with another text that said, "It's going to happen in God's timing!! Be blessed and hopefully we will talk soon!"

She is right. Not in my timing, but in the Lord's timing. Praise the Lord for kind, Godly, social workers!

It was such a blessing to receive that. It was such a wonderful reminder that I should desire nothing apart from the His perfect and anointed timing. His will for our future is going to far exceed anything I could have ever hoped for or imagined.

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him...." Psalm 37:5-7a

This verse puts a smile on my face because every time I read it I think of my childhood pastor, Bro. Bob Pitman and how he would always joke from the pulpit about patience. He would always say, "Don't ever pray for patience...you never know what the Lord will do when you pray for something as big as patience." As scary and big as something like the concept of patience is, I'm boldly praying for and striving for it. I'm also striving to have a Christ-like attitude while waiting- most days I fail and that's just real life.

Another set of verses that the Lord brought to the forefront of my mind was Psalm 139. Goodness, this Psalm is rich, this Psalm is sweet, this Psalm is comforting. Every time I read it, it brings peace and comfort. I'm overwhelmed with the truths and richness in every line of this Psalm!

Psalm 139:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.

 You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.

 Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

 You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.

 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?

 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

 If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.

 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
 even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

 For you formed my inward parts;
   you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

 Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.

 My frame was not hidden from you,
 when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
 in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!

 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.

 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
    O men of blood, depart from me!

 They speak against you with malicious intent;
    your enemies take your name in vain.

 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
    And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

 I hate them with complete hatred;
    I count them my enemies.

 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!

 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!


So now, we are back to waiting, and in the midst of that waiting, I'm fervently praying.

Each and every day, I'm choosing joy and to be thankful for the here and the now. I choosing to be present for JAM and for our boys, and I'm choosing to be thankful for the "almost" phone call.

Coming Soon...