Waiting

One of the reasons for wanting to step out in to the blog world is to document our journey of fostering and adoption. I want to be able to have and share our story but ultimately it’s not our story, it’s the Lord’s story. The ups, the downs, the fun times, the hard times, the tears, the joys. It’s all for Him. We would be nothing, have nothing, consist of nothing if it were not for the sacrificial giving of His life for us on the cross. I want to share how we are a vessel and an instrument in His plan of fostering and adoption. 

John Allen and I have always talked about one day desiring to adopt. We had no idea what it would look like, who it would look like, or how it would look like. But we both knew it was something that the Lord had placed on both of our hearts.

When we got married we became friends with a couple that shortly after knowing them started their journey of fostering and adoption through DHS. I remember thinking, “Whoa, I can’t imagine how they are going to be able to do it.” “How is that going to work with going through the state? What if they are not able to adopt a specific child as their own? If they are able to adopt, how will a child mesh with their already existing two parent two child home?” And on and on and on I had questions.

Over the next few years I watched them. Prayed for them. Hung out them them. Went on a mission trip with them. Served in ministry with them. And my love for the children that were brought in to and out of their home grew. I was not around every child that was placed in their home, but the ones I was around, I loved. And just as the Lord works, he grew that love into a conviction in my heart, a conversation John Allen and I kept having over and over, and a constant thought I could not get off my mind.

Is this what the Lord has for us, going through DHS, fostering to adopt?

What is this going to look like for our family?

What if we have a child for a period of time and then have to release that child back to bio parents or the child’s relative? 

What if I get attached and then have to let go? 

What if....What if....What if.... 

This is what was (and sometimes still is) swirling around and around in my head. 

After having Keller in May, many questions still remained, the prayers for wisdom continued, and in August of 2013, we dove in head first. We had a two in a half year old, a three month old, and we started the paper work through the Department of Human Services to foster with the hope and prayer of one day adopting. 

I found the DHS website, filled out several lines of information, and with nervous excitement hit the submit button. Within two weeks we had some of the beginning paperwork, were assigned a social worker, and were mapping out our schedule for the training classes in order to be certified resource parents. 

We attended out first training class which was orientation with approximately twenty other people. A lot of questions were asked and a lot of basic information given.  At the end of the class they handed out a mountain of paperwork and said that if we were serious about being a resource parent we needed to get started on it right away.

Over the next three months we went every Saturday to the public library for hours at a time to complete our licensing training. Some days were long. Some days, the topics discussed were brutal and brought me to tears. With every passing session I was getting more and more excited yet also more and more anxious. 

Along with the licensing classes we also had four home studies. Our social worker would come to our home each time with different things that needed to be accomplished. She always made us feel at ease and comfortable. I’m am continually thankful for her and the work she does in our state and the children of our area. 

January 31st, five months after diving in head first, we were officially licensed resource parents. When Mrs. C called and informed us that we had been approved we were both thrilled. She had warned us that the last two families she had licensed both received a phone call within 48 hours for placement within their home. I remember thinking, “Whoa, 48 hours, that’s fast, but we can do this!”

And so the waiting began. The 48 hour mark passed, the first few days passed, and it has now been 5 weeks. To say that I don’t wake up and think “I wonder if today is the day...” would be a lie. Real-honest-transparency for a moment: I think about it a lot. But it’s weird, its a bitter-sweet emotion. Bitter because in order for us to get the phone call that they have a child(s) ready to be placed in our home, a lot has to have transpired in that child’s life. Sweet because the moment a child is placed in our home it will be just that and so much more. It’s not going to be easy at first. Truthfully, it’s probably going to be a enormous challenge at best, BUT it’s what the Lord has called our family to do. To have an opportunity to show Christ’s love, provide protection, encourage healing, and care for a child to the best of our ability is a journey we can not wait to explore. Whether we get to make that child a part of our forever family or eventually have to let go, we know that it’s all part of the Lord’s intricate molding and shaping of our lives. 

So as of now, every day that we don’t receive “the” phone call is a day that I’m choosing to be thankful for our family of four. I’m choosing JOY! I’m also daily praying for our future placement(s). Praying for wisdom, praying for strength, praying for insight for the proper care of the child and how to deal with all the other individuals involved, praying for a balance of how to manage my walk with the Lord, my husband, my children, and our home in a Godly way, praying that I am a strong, loud, courageous, voice for the one(s) who may not be able speak for themselves, and praying that I am just a vessel and instrument and will move out of the way and allow JESUS to have control. Of course we long for our phones to ring with the news of a placement within our family, but right now, in this very moment, in spite of my longing: Jesus is Faithful. Even though I can’t see what lies ahead: He is still faithful! Even though I have no idea what our future looks like: He is still Faithful! Even though we are waiting: Jesus is Faithful!

A friend shared these verses with me this past week and it was such a sweet reminder of the hope we have in Christ and how incredible the Lord’s faithfulness is in our lives:

“But this I call to mind,

    and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

    his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

The Lord is my portion, says my soul,

     therefore I will hope in him.

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

    to the soul who seeks him.”

 Lamentations 3:21-25