Mrs. C called. I wasn't around my phone.
She sent me a text, then called again a few minutes later.
Finally, I was able to call her back and she spoke THOSE words...
"Mrs. May-we have a placement for you...."
And in that moment my heart nearly exploded out of my chest. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. My mind was going 100 miles an hour.
She shared with me some details and then asked me if I wanted to talk it over with JAM and call her back. I went and found JAM and told him Mrs. C called. I could hardly get the details out of my mouth. I told him everything I knew and we called her back with a "Yes, we will run home and grab the infant carrier and meet you at your office...."
We sat in the car and just stared at each other. This was it, what we've been waiting for since January 31st. We were going to get to love on and be a foster family to a child.
We were elated.
We got home and my phone rang again, but this time it was not Mrs. C, but the child's social worker. She shared with me some more details of the situation that we a lot more extenuating then JAM and I initially understood. These details were going to be the determining factor as to whether or not we were going to have the child be placed in our home.
Again, JAM and I had to talk. We prayed, we cried, we were burdened, and we came in agreement that we were going to have to say no to this particular placement for our family.
"No...we are not going to be able to accept this particular placement at this time. I'm honored that you called and considered our family. Thank you so much and we are praying we hear again from you soon..."-it was the most heartbreaking no I have ever uttered.
The words were piercing. They were so heavy rolling off my lips when I had to call the child's social worker and tell her. I felt guilty and I was so ashamed of having to say no to the very thing we have been longing and praying for now going on 86 days.
I also immediately found myself worrying about the circumstances and worrying, "If not us, where? Who? How will it work out?"
I cried and cried that day. It was a long Friday.
Over that weekend I was angry, incredibly sad, and I all kept begging the Lord for was peace. While reading my bible the very next day, this literally jumped off of the page:
We serve a God of peace-in the midst of circumstances that we don't understand He gives us peace. Our God is faithful, Our God is near, Our God is steady. I've clung to this verse this last week, holding on to it ever so tightly.
Not only have I been able to rest in the Father's peace but I have also had to rest in the fact that it was ok to say no. As hard it was, due to the nature of the circumstances, we were not going to be the best placement for the child and I had to be ok that.
I was able to call Mrs. C this past week and she was so encouraging. She made me feel so much better about saying no. She put me as ease walking me through the situation and being such a good listener. Once again, I hung up the phone being so thankful for her.
Daily the child and the situation come to my mind and daily I'm praying. I may not ever get to meet this particular child, but incredibly grateful that Mrs. C thought to call our family.
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